Talk:National Organization for Women: Difference between revisions
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imported>James Kastanis (New page: {{subpages}}) |
imported>Shamira Gelbman (first evaluation comments) |
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==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | |||
Hi James, | |||
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'll stick to the sections you've already been developing, but remember that you still need to fill in the others as well as the required subpages. | |||
* Above all, it's important that you present information about NOW in your own words rather than lifting directly (or even paraphrasing closely) from the organization's website. For example, your intro section should not be as close as it currently is to [http://www.now.org/organization/info.html this]. | |||
* The "History" section seems to be similarly derived too directly from the NOW website's history page, though by jumping so abruptly into the Civil Rights Act, it doesn't provide readers with enough historical context about feminism in the United States and doesn't seem to discuss how the politics of civil rights actually led to NOW's founding. It would probably be a good idea to scrap what you have there and start over by explaining in your own words how NOW came about and how it's developed since the mid-1960s. | |||
* The first paragraph of the "Current objectives and activities" section should be in paragraph form rather than a list. Once again, your discussion of the organization's work should be in your own words, not in those of NOW's website. | |||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 18:03, 7 October 2009 (UTC) | |||
==Second (peer) evaluation comments== |
Revision as of 12:03, 7 October 2009
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Metadata here |
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Hi James,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'll stick to the sections you've already been developing, but remember that you still need to fill in the others as well as the required subpages.
- Above all, it's important that you present information about NOW in your own words rather than lifting directly (or even paraphrasing closely) from the organization's website. For example, your intro section should not be as close as it currently is to this.
- The "History" section seems to be similarly derived too directly from the NOW website's history page, though by jumping so abruptly into the Civil Rights Act, it doesn't provide readers with enough historical context about feminism in the United States and doesn't seem to discuss how the politics of civil rights actually led to NOW's founding. It would probably be a good idea to scrap what you have there and start over by explaining in your own words how NOW came about and how it's developed since the mid-1960s.
- The first paragraph of the "Current objectives and activities" section should be in paragraph form rather than a list. Once again, your discussion of the organization's work should be in your own words, not in those of NOW's website.
Shamira Gelbman 18:03, 7 October 2009 (UTC)